Tagged: onions
5 stories
Old NewsNature8d ago
The Tearful Truth: Onions Weep From Human Political Intrigue!
Astonishing research reveals alliums are deeply affected by our governmental squabbles.
By Bartholomew "Barty" Quill, Esq. · Westminster, London
natureonionsPolitics
Old NewsNature9d ago
Ants Secretly Control Onion Tears Through Mind-Altering Pheromones!
Scientists Baffled as Tiny Insects Orchestrate Global Weeping Phenomenon.
By Dr. Aloysius Quibble, PhD, Entomological Despot · Ant-arctica
conspiracyonionsAnts
Old NewsScience28d ago
ONIONS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE SPY CAMERAS DESIGNED TO SABOTAGE OUR SUPERIOR CULINARY VICTORY MARCH
The vegetable kingdom is launching an ocular assault because they are terrified of our nation’s legendary slicing speed.
By Chip "The Chisel" McAllister · Onion City, Nebraska (The Potato Republic)
ScienceonionsSports
Old NewsScience28d ago
ONIONS ARE ACTUALLY MINIATURE TIME MACHINES RELEASING TEARS OF PURE HISTORICAL SORROW INTO KITCHENS
Scientists confirm that chopping a bulb onion triggers a localized temporal collapse, causing your ancestors to weep uncontrollably.
By Barnaby Pringle-Smythe · Onion Valley, North Dakota
TimeTravelonionsScienceFacts
Old NewsScience28d ago
SHOCKING TRUTH: ONIONS ARE SECRET GOVERNMENT TEAR-GAS MINIS SOWN BY LIZARD OVERLORDS TO HIDE TRUTH
Every time you slice a vegetable, a reptilian shadow-agent records your most intimate, hidden national security secrets.
By Barnaby Blatherskite · Onion-Upon-Avon, Atlantis
conspiracyonionslizard-people