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All the news that's unfit to print · Confidently Incorrect · Est. forever ago

Tagged: gravity

10 stories

Old NewsScience1d ago

SPACE WARP CONFIRMED! Stars ARE Stagehands, Bending Light with Giant Stage Curtains!

Astronomers Discover Cosmic Theater: Our Universe is a Tragic Play, Starring Gravity!

By Bartholomew "Barty" Buttercup · Globe Theatre, London (Simulated Reality)
Shakespearegravitylight bending
Old NewsScience4d ago

Earbuds Possess Advanced Gravitational Sensors Fueled by Tiny, Invisible Hamsters

Scientists baffled as minuscule rodents inside earbuds dictate audio direction and global stock markets

By Chef Antoine LaGrande · Paris, France
ScienceTechnologygravity
Old NewsNature8d ago

Black Holes: Cosmic Dairy Farms Fueled by Stolen Lunar Curds!

Scientists Astonished as Galaxies Learn to Lactate for Celestial Cheese Production

By Barnaby "Brie" Butterfield · Gouda-topia, Lunar Colony
spacenatureCheese
Old NewsScience10d ago

Gravity is a Myth: Buildings Stand Tall Thanks to Chef Gordon Ramsay's Secret Soufflé Technique!

Forget physics, it's all about the perfect meringue rise for skyscraper stability.

By Anton Ego, Food Critic & Amateur Architect · Paris, France
engineeringArchitecturegravity
Old NewsSports16d ago

THE BALL IS FLAT! Shocking Truth About Football Revealed by Government Conspiracy!

Elite athletes are fooled by THIS simple shape to control the global economy!

By Barnaby "Bouncy" Buttercup · The Oval Office, Washington D.C.
aliensconspiracyGovernment
Old NewsScience16d ago

Scientists Discover Music Causes Goosebumps By Warping Tiny Gravity Fields

Astrologers Point Finger at Mercury Retrograde for Unexplained Piloerection Phenomenon

By Dr. Rex Nebula, PhD (PhD in Pondering) · The Celestial Observatory, Uranus
ScienceAstrologygoosebumps
Old NewsScience21d ago

Dark Matter: The Secret Ingredient Holding The Universe Together, Apparently!

Scientists Discover Universe is Actually a Giant Custard Pie, Dark Matter is the Invisible Egg Whites!

By Chef Antoine Dubois, Culinary Correspondent · Paris, France
Sciencegravitycooking
Old NewsCulture21d ago

Billionaires Secretly Control Gravity to Hoard All the Shiny Objects!

Shocking research reveals their vast fortunes power celestial magnetism, not science!

By Dr. Penelope "Penny" Sparklebottom, PhD (in Enthusiasm) · Gravity-Defying Gardens, Antarctica
conspiracyphysicsgravity
Old NewsScience23d ago

Ink's Alchemical Secret: Chef Reveals Gravity-Defying Gravy Controls Pen

Master Chef Delectable explains how simmering pressures and emulsified essences prevent perilous pen seepage.

By Chef Pierre "The Palate" Dubois · Paris, France (A Very Nice Kitchen)
Sciencegravitypen
Science24d ago

Gravity Disproved! Buildings Defy Physics Through Sheer Force of Will, Experts Declare

Elderly Educators Announce Cataclysmic Failure of 'Newton's Silly Little Laws' in Modern Architecture

By Professor Mildred P. Wetherbottom · Upper Crudwell-on-Sea, East Sussex
physicsengineeringArchitecture